Peace That Surpasses All Understanding

I found a lump in my left breast back in April.

Months before that, maybe even a year, while showering or applying lotion, I would feel...something. I was never quite sure if it was something significant or just a typical mammary gland. Most times, when my hand happened across it, fear would halt me. I lacked the courage to massage my breast in that moment, and chance feeling it again. There were some nights, though, while I lay in bed, that a bit of bravery would find me. I'd nervously move my hand around in circular motions, anticipating, but ultimately, finding nothing.

Until one day…there was something. A small something, but something nonetheless. It was undeniable. My heart skipped a beat at the thought…

Cancer.

I questioned Google for signs, and double-checked ChatGPT for symptoms:

• discoloration of the skin around the breast

• nipple dimpling

• changes to the skin texture

• breast pain- inverted nipple

• nipple discharge

• change in breast shape or size

• redness and swelling of the breast

Aside from the lump, I hadn't displayed any of the common symptoms. Maybe I'm okay... But then again, I hadn't displayed any of the common symptoms of iron deficiency either, and yet, last spring, I was diagnosed as chronically anemic. Could I trust my body? I chose to ignore the lump for a while.

Until weeks later, the lump grew. Bigger… And bigger…

Eventually, a bit of discomfort would accompany the growth. And then pain. I finally made an appointment with a local women’s health office. And I prayed.

The doctor's office had a long wait time. It was early June and she wouldn't have been able to see me until mid- to late July. I tried to keep my cool while explaining to the receptionist over the phone what I had been experiencing. She calmly took down some notes for the doctor before hanging up.

Moments later my cell rang. The doctor had read the notes and determined that I should come in much sooner than a month from then.

I was grateful.

I have watched cancer ravage the lives of so many people—loved ones and coworkers, friends and acquaintances, lovers of Christ and worldly men alike. Cancer has no respect for persons. In and of itself, cancer is such an wicked thing, isn't it? It usually begins so insidiously, quietly working death in the body, often revealing itself only once it's too late to reverse it.

But I serve a mighty God.

And with that knowledge, something interesting happened in my prayers: Anticipation.

But not in the way that you’re likely thinking.

In the days leading up to my appointment, the pain grew severe. There were days I went to work and just wanted to hold my breast in my hand and cry.

But I held it together.

My thoughts lingered over what the experience would look like if I did indeed have cancer. Days, weeks, maybe even months of hospitalization. Painful conventional treatment. Weakness in the body. Weight loss. Hair loss. What about holistic treatment? How much would that cost? Would insurance cover it? I wondered if I would be able to work from home. I'd probably become such a burden to my family.

One night, while lying in bed, I lifted up my voice to God. My breast, searing with pain, I cupped it in my hand as gently as I could, as though caring for a wailing infant. For the life of me, I could not find a dry spot on my pillow to lay my head.

Father, Heavenly Father, Mighty God, Adonai, I come to You tonight asking You, as Christ once did, to take this cup from me—but Your will, Father, not mine. If this isn't cancer, I will praise Your name. But even if this is cancer, I will still praise Your name. I'll praise You because I have never seen the righteous forsaken. You have revealed too much to me for this to be my end. Therefore, I know that You are going to do something amazing here.

Your Word says that all things work together for good to those who are called according to Your purpose. I believe that. So if this is indeed cancer, I can't wait to see how You use this to transform lives. Will You use this to deepen my faith? To draw me more closely to You? Or perhaps this will be a testimony to my family? What ministry will You create from this? How will others come to know You—even love You—through this? My mind can't fathom it, but I'm excited for the wonders You are sure to perform.

So I’ll bless Your name, Lord, because I trust You. I only ask that You give me the courage and strength to hang in there no matter how rough it gets. Amen.

When this possibility of cancer entered my life, I was surprised by the peace that settled over me. Of course, I didn't want that to be the diagnosis. I would have gladly chosen a different outcome. But if cancer was part of my story, I knew it would not be outside of God's hands. There was no need to fear. I had come to the place where I trusted that, regardless of what happened, God would accomplish His purpose. His plans are always wiser than mine, and His understanding reaches far beyond anything I could comprehend. Because of that, I didn't have to wrestle with the endless why questions. It simply wasn't important. What was important was knowing and believing that God was at work.

Whether He chose healing, waiting, or something I could not yet see, I believed He would use every moment for His glory. And I've learned that whatever brings glory to God ultimately brings good to His children. His glory is never separate from our good—it is the very place where we find it. That confidence didn't come from knowing what the future held. It came from knowing the One who held my future.

And in His hands, I found a peace that no diagnosis could take away.

You see, sin brings about destruction. From the beginning of time, the world was created in perfection; there were no errors. Sin ushered illness and disease into the world. Pain and suffering—these are all the result of man operating in his own wisdom as opposed to God's, man acting as god instead of allowing God to be God. I know that. Therefore, I could never accuse God of giving me cancer. No, sin in the world brings that about. And we all, as active members of this world, are bound to become recipients of, or participants in, the results of sin.

But here's what matters…Faith.

Knowing who God is brings about a trust in what He is able to do, and that, in turn, brings about a peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:6-7). Young Joseph was betrayed by his brothers and sold into slavery. Later, he was falsely accused and thrown into prison for two long and years. He had every fleshly reason to discount God and lose faith in Him, but he didn't. He trusted in the God of his fathers and in the revelations God had given him. So he held on to his faith, and in the end, what the enemy meant for evil, God used for his good, as well as for his family and an entire nation!

That’s the God that I serve!

Often, the enemy tries to break our resolve. He tries to eradicate our faith by introducing confusion and reasons to fear or doubt. As Christians, we must anticipate that. But we must also remember the God we claim to serve—who He is and what He has done in our lives.. We must believe Him for who He says He is and what He says He will do. Most importantly, we must trust Him even in the darkest of hours.

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me ." — Psalm 23:4

I will walk through the valley of the shadow of death—probably several times in my lifetime—but I have no reason to fear because even there the Lord will be with me. Psalm 139 is such an encouraging passage. Verse eight says that if I ascend to heaven, God is there, and even if I make my bed in hell, behold! God will be there too! The verse continues, “If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me." What comfort! What surety!

I trust that my days will be used for the glory of God, come what may. Even if my life should be lost—whether through this illness or another, whether by some unfortunate accident or injury, whether by betrayal or some unexpected event—life or death, both my triumphs and my tragedies will be to the glory of the Most High God. And I take no bitterness in that.