Love Beyond Reason, Trust Beyond Sight

God has revealed to me that to love others is to demonstrate complete trust in Him. Allow me to explain.

When we think of love, we often think of it as something we readily submit to. And why not? Love is sweet and pleasurable. Why wouldn’t we be eager to operate within it? The truth is, as people—and more specifically as Christians—we usually don’t. And, interestingly enough, we often think we’re right not to.

Yes, there are those whom we easily love—family, close friends, even some co-workers. These people don’t have to ask for our love; it’s freely given. But if we’re being honest, there are others we find difficult to love. Perhaps they are rude, mean, or harsh. Maybe they’ve hurt us in what feels like an “unforgivable” way. Or it could simply be that they are difficult people. Whatever the reason, in an effort to protect ourselves—or what we call our peace—we set limits and boundaries. We’re willing to be polite and, to an extent, cordial, but only as necessary.

⁴⁶If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? ⁴⁷ And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that. -Matthew 5:46-47

The way that we love should not mimic the world; it should starkly contrast it. Our behavior should give onlookers something to go home and wonder about. There’s a woman I work with at my part-time job. I don’t know if she’s a Christian—she’s never engaged me in conversation about faith or mentioned any church she attends—but her character reflects what I know the nature of God to be. She is naturally cheerful, always offering an encouraging word (and I do mean always). Every time we see each other, she greets me with a warm hug and a sincere kiss on the cheek. This isn’t a special favor she reserves for me—she’s like this with everyone. It doesn’t matter how unpleasant a client is or how rude a coworker may be; she operates in peace and love. Even when she has something slightly critical to say about someone, she'll always excuses herself and ensure it's clear that she's not intending to speak negatively about the individual. I look at her with awe and, I won’t lie, I aspire to that kind of behavior.

What we often struggle to grasp is that God has not called us to love only those who love us. Nor has He commissioned us to simply be kind. God is calling us to love even our enemies—to do good to those we believe hate us. Just as Christ, on the cross, looked down at His mockers and asked God to “forgive them, for they know not what they do,” we are expected to pray for those who persecute us (Matthew 5:44–48). Christ could have asked God to curse them and give them what they deserved. Instead, He asked that they be forgiven and shown mercy, because He understood that His persecutors did not know what they were doing. We must approach people with this same understanding.

Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.               -Colossians 4:6

A Christian leader once mass-delivered a message that ended with the phrase, “love even the unlovable.” Confused, my sister shared it with me and asked, “Unlovable? Why would she use that term? As Christians, aren’t we supposed to believe that everyone is lovable?” She was genuinely shocked by the phrasing. Knowing the writer and her possible inspiration, I believe I knew why she chose such poor phrasing—but my sister was right. As Christians, we should never deem anyone “unlovable.”

There is a story behind every behavior, and God knows each one—that’s why He is always longsuffering, forgiving, merciful, and gracious. He knows the “why.” So when God calls us to love even though, to love in spite of, to love anyway, what He is truly calling us to do is trust—trust Him. Trust that this person is not as awful as we may think. Trust that there is a story behind the behavior, one we simply don’t see or understand. Moreover, God is calling us to trust in the effective power of love.

God is also calling you to trust and accept that this battle is not happening in the physical—it’s occurring in the spiritual realm. What you are experiencing is only the fruit of an ongoing battle in heavenly places. Your war is not with your husband, your children, your co-worker, or your family in Christ. Your war is against dark forces conspiring against God and His children to create havoc and disunity. When you argue or distance yourself from someone, it has no real effect on the true fight at hand. Sadly, it only gives Satan, your true enemy, the victory he is looking for. Instead, battle on your knees. Take your concerns to God in prayer, and let the host of heaven fight for you. (Ephesians 6:12-13)

When you pray, don’t ask God to “fix them.” Instead, earnestly ask Him to show you if you have dealt with them unjustly, to forgive you, and to help you maintain self-control so that you do not speak hurtful words or react in ways your flesh may desire. Ask God to bless you with wisdom and understanding in the situation, and to teach your heart to truly love—regardless of the circumstances.

Often, I’ve found that we feel an overwhelming need to make a point—to smugly call someone out on their behavior, to correct them sharply, or even to take a subtle jab just to ensure they understand how we feel. In those moments, it can seem justified, but more often than we’d like to admit, those actions aren’t rooted in love at all. They stem from pride, from woundedness, from a desire to be seen as right or to have the upper hand. What we convince ourselves is righteous correction can actually be pettiness in disguise.

When our goal is simply to prove a point, we risk losing the very thing God is calling us to demonstrate—love. And in doing so, we also miss an opportunity to trust Him. Because sometimes, choosing not to respond sharply, choosing not to “set the record straight,” is an act of surrender. It’s a quiet declaration that we trust God to handle what we cannot, to correct what we don’t need to, and to work in ways that go far beyond our own efforts. In those moments, love doesn’t insist on being heard—it chooses to trust that God already sees.

Love acts as an ointment—a balm. When applied, it softens hard places, removes callouses, soothes dryness and burns. It relieves pain and protects wounds. It brings healing. Keep in mind that ointments are not overnight remedies. Wounds do not heal upon first contact, but consistent, repeated application can have a profound impact.

I grew up in a very protective, sheltered home, so I didn’t fully understand what people could be like until I went away to college. My experiences in the real world transformed my naturally cheerful disposition into something more serious and guarded. Years later, I began dating a man who, despite the many brick, metal, and concrete walls I had built around my heart, showed me gentleness, kindness, and patience. Little by little, I found myself softening. He never asked me to tear down my walls—his love alone encouraged me to dismantle them myself, brick by brick. That was the first time I truly began to understand the power of love.

It was his consistency and sincerity that brought me to a place of surrender. I imagine that’s what it takes for anyone. Some may need only days or weeks; others may require months or even years. And, unfortunately, some situations may take decades -- especially if you are the only person in their life applying this remedy. But genuine persistence is key. Not harsh words. Not rude confrontations. Not pettiness, attitudes, or coldness. If anything, those only aggravate the situation. Try peace instead.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves...Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse...Live in harmony with one another....Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.              -Romans 12:9-19 (Emphasis added)

There is (what I refer to as) a “cop-out” that we often defer to: I’m not God; I can’t love like that. Oh—on the contrary, you certainly can. As a matter of fact, you must. You’re called to. For your God has said, “You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy” (Leviticus 19:2; Leviticus 20:7). Christ also admonished His followers to “be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48).

The longsuffering, merciful, and gracious character of Christ is what we must daily strive for. That’s what death to self is all about—no more you, no more walking in what makes sense to you or what feels comfortable, but trusting God’s way instead. It is understanding that your flesh naturally desires what goes against the will of God, and that it is necessary for each of us, in the name and power of Christ, to conquer this flesh and bring it under our subjection. To hold on to the belief that you can’t overcome yourself or rise above your current behavior is actually what keeps you stuck—it’s holding yourself back from the very perfection God is calling you to. It’s settling in your mind that where you are is “good enough,” when God clearly says it’s not. He calls us higher. He calls us to be like Him, to leave behind our worldly ways, and to grow into something greater. This is not an overnight transformation. It’s a daily effort, a yielding, bit by bit—but yielding nonetheless.

I understand that this may not be something you can step into immediately. Your experiences with that person were real, and they left their mark. But prayerfully, step lightly into it. A nod and a smile may have to suffice for now. And if things have been tense between you for some time, a sudden shift in behavior might understandably seem suspicious or insincere. So start slowly. Over time, work your way toward a warm greeting. From there, small conversations. Build little by little, avoiding sensitive areas, tone, or speech that may reopen wounds. As Scripture repeatedly encourages us, walk in peace with one another.

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification.  -Romans 14:19

…Seek peace and pursue it.                                                                                                                                                    -1 Peter 3:11

Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord.    -Hebrews 12:14

In choosing love, we not only reflect the character of God—who loved us while we were still sinners and sent His only Son to die in our place—but we also show Him that we trust Him and His way. We trust that He knows and understands all things, even the unseen things. We trust that He will be our Advocate and, if needed, our Avenger. Just as we can acknowledge that it was His love and warmth that turned us from our own sinful paths, we must also believe that this same love, working through us, is powerful enough to reach others in their confusion and pain.

To love others is not just obedience to God—it is trust in action. So, as the old song goes…try a little tenderness.